3.07.2006

perspective

once again I am forced to ask myself to put things in perspective...
last night I had some friends over after a City Bikes Mountain Bike Team meeting
we were hanging out
I was getting some consultation on a frame that I thought was broken
also on a few bolts that seemed to be too small for a bottom bracket spindle on my fixie project
in our conversation... I felt like I was gravatating towards the negative
felt like I had morphed into an old crumudgen

after my friends departed I went upstairs
there were some messages on my Blackberry
so I check emails as I watched some television
the emails were mostly responses to my endless effort to get friends to read my blog
well... one response came from an old friend

while I had shamelessly been plugging my blog to this random old friend
this old friend responded back with the news that she is currently being treated for cancer
my heart sunk
I had not heard
I thought of all my day's complaints
all my issues rapidly became non-issues
my self absorbed world and its non-issues paled in reflection to what this friend and her family may be going through

my slowly healing finger and my recovering shoulder along with whatever woes I may have had were no longer significant
no... cancer trumps any and all issues I may have with my day to day life

I paused
I thought
I email back...
so much to cover in a simple email
I emailed back something short and to the point
leaving room for response
leaving room for me to send another email

I sent good thoughts
then against my disbelief I prayed
I hoped and I wished
then I did my therapy exercises for my shoulder and went to bed

it turns out the frame is in fact broken
the bolts are the right size even with the play
and
that it is good to know when a friend is in need
not sure what I can do
hopefully what words I do share help rather than hurt

joe jackson was right

Rell Sun: Heart of the Sea

gwadzilla archive on Heart of the Sea

1 comment:

Samantha said...

Hi-
One year ago my friends all went through what you are now going through.

I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. Everything about it sucked.

I don't know your friend nor can I imagine how she feels. But I wanted to share my perspective.

My cancer problem was huge... but it was simple. Live vs Die. Well - I know what I'm choosing. It was the simplest shitty time of my life. There was no self doubt. There was no second guess. Fight to live. Enjoy every second I felt healthy and grieve when I was too sick to move.

Don't feel guilty about having your own things that get you down. Friends would always tell me that they were afraid to bitch about "small stuff" to someone with "Cancer". It is all life and sometimes small things require lots of careful thought and energy.

Perspective is good, but don't beat yourself up about it. You are there for your friend. She needs you as she will need everyone. It is a simple fight but it is a big one.

Good Luck to your friend. I hope she has as much support as I did, and it sounds like she does.

Peace.