6.10.2013

wait our turn... we all need to wait our turn... I am no different

ah...
the frustration of it all
I am flawed
we are all flawed

I am trying
my evolution is slow
but I am evolving
and yes... I learn from my mistakes



months back I had an incident at the vet's office where a woman ran in front of me on the sidewalk to get into the vet's office
nearly slamming the door in my face
then when I got into the office I was stuck behind her and her lengthy special needs for her dog's treatment

SNAKED!

I was frustrated... and well... I thought my purchase would take two seconds
after all... I had called earlier and asked them to have my prescription ready for pick up

well... the prescription was not prepared and ready for pick up as requested
the pre-emptive phone call was all for not
the conversation of my being in a hurry and on my way meant nothing
the woman said the prescription would be ready... it was not
but that is not entirely the point

the point is the irony of the situation

there was some conflict with the woman in front of me
when I asked if I could quickly get my order and leave
she came at me with this "what makes you think you are more important than me?" diatribe
when in actuality... she had instigated the whole ME FIRST situation by illegally parking with her hazards and then running past me as I was feet from the door
all but extending my arm to open the door

well... I called and apologized to the woman behind the counter at the vet for my behavior
never trying to justify myself
never going into the details of the moments leading up to the conflict
as I understood my behavior was wrong and that it was not making her work day any more enjoyable

well...
today was something similar

my son forgot his unicycle when going to school this morning
there is a talent show at the end of the year and my son and a few of his friends plan on doing a unicycle performance
there is a talent show practice today
he can not practice his unicycle without his unicycle
so... after dropping the boys off at school and walking the dog I let the morning traffic subside
then I went to drop off the unicycle

I drove to my older son's school... pulled into the lot... and found a legal space
then walked in the rain into the school
at the doorway I got into line behind another woman and waited my turn for security to clear me in and such
there would be some action involving the metal detector, checking of an ID, then signing in

a somewhat frustrating process
as this security is just a pain in the ass
and would do nothing to thwart off an attacker
it is just a hassle that we contend with in every day life when and if we ever enter a government building

I just accept this security nuisance

yes... I have come to accept this
I waited as the person in front of me went through the routine
pulling change, cell phone, and any and all things metal from my pockets
I knew my belt had an excess of metal with its metal studs
but I kept it on

when the woman in front of me was done... I waited for the security officer to call me through
when the woman behind me almost stepped forward
but it was my turn... so I moved forward to be cleared into the building
I stood like a scare crow while the security guard waved her magometer  wand across my body
getting beeps from my watch... a bracelet... and of course my metal belt

then the woman asked for an ID
the woman behind me handed hers forward and then went to sign in
it was there that I asked her to wait her turn
she was not ready for this

it is a process... this is the process...
just as I waited for the person in front of me to be finished... I felt that the woman behind me should wait for me to be finished
I signed in after my ID was checked

then as I walked to the front office the woman behind me ran past me into the front office
sticking out her tongue
sticking out her tongue? yes, sticking out her tongue
it was awkward... and well... I was frustrated
so I did not contain myself

it was an ugly face... it was an ugly action
I said such... I should not have said such... but I said, "ugly, ugly inside and out."

then... I asked that same question, "what makes you think that you are more important than me?"
"why do I have to wait in line but you get to to to the front?"
"if it is about who can run fastest to the front... who do you think is faster? me or you?"

she replied something snide back
then I said... "I will remember you... I look forward to witnessing this behavior of your... I am curious to see what sort of children you are raising"
then she assured me that her kids were better than mine

it was was not very aggressive
but it was completely unnecessary
not sure if my heart rate raised... but it was a tad uncomfortable
again... I engaged someone when I should have let it go
it is odd... although I hate conflict... I involve myself in conflict

it is just one of those "damned if you do... damned if you don't" situations
if I say nothing... my heart rate will rise
if I say something... my heart rate will rise
so... I say something... then regret it
instead of saying nothing... and regretting not saying something

but really... it could all be avoided
if people just granted others their right to space and the basic respect that they deserve

I am working on it
there is room for me to grow

maybe duct tape on my mouth would be a good solution

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