i want to live... i do not want to die

ah....

the paradox of road rage

someone finds themselves in a dangerous situation
they feel as if their life/safety has been threatened
so they respond in a manner that increases the danger
taking the risk of their own life and others to a higher level

that is pretty much what happened to me this morning
(and many mornings before)
no... I am not talking about my short morning commute
I am talking about my efforts to cross the street in front of my house with my dog
which used to be dogs...
and is sometimes with my two small children

this morning when I left the house to go walk the dog I stood on the curb and watched up hill traffic speed ferociously past
as I waited for downhill traffic to get the double red at the top of the hill
once the downhill traffic had the double red I waited for a few red light runners to pass
then for the uphill side of the road to be clear then I crossed
like a game of frogger... I made it across without being squashed

got into the woods of Rock Creek Park
did a short 20 minutes with my black dog Brutus on a set of trails that never get so much as a glance from the National Park Service

once back from my walk with the dog I waited on the curb for the same formula
double red at the top of the hill and clear traffic coming up the hill
sure... I will cross if it is clear, but that is unlikely during rush hour
as this is a major commuter artery

I watched the drivers speed up the hill
looked into each car and imagined what sort of person was behind the wheel
there were all sorts of people of all races, ages, sex, and economic distribution
with the red light at the top of the hill
I waited for things to clear
the last few up hill cars past
the last few red light runners past
so I started across the street

as I got to the center of the street I saw a Cadillac Escalade come barrelling through the light
speeding
never slowing for the red
I continued and finished my way across the street
in a casual less than aggressive sort of way I issued the bird

there was no slowing or braking of the this oversized SUV
but once at the base of the hill I saw this gold Caddy stop and head back up the hill
without hesitation I went for the cell phone
9-1-1 send
this same car went past to the peak of the hill at a rational pace and turned back down
by this time I am talking to the operator
waiting to see if things escalated with the Escalade I talked with the operator
like a scene from Boys in the Hood 2006 the SUV with tinted glass rolled on past
never did I make eye contact
never did I see the driver
I did not see the race, age, sex, or the economic distribution of the driver
yet... my heart raced
immediately I regretted the issueing of the bird

humility and righteousness
when wrong... people should be humble
when right... people have a right to be righteous

I am not sure there would have been the opportunity for a discussion to make this driver realize that we were involved in a situation of ACTION and REACTION
it was his action of speeding and running the red light that caused my reaction
to this person... it may have been simply my action that was an issue

just as I was angered by the threat that this driver caused to me... my family... and anyone else on my block
I was then angered at myself for being short sighted
cussing and flipping people off never goes well
that is no way to start a conversation
although I am sure that this person does not want people speeding past his family on his street
this person may not be able to transfer the dynamics of the situation
as time passes it is unlikely that this person will retrace their steps
more than likely they are fixated on my actions
never reflecting on their own

this is their commuter route
they will pass me again
worse yet
they will pass my wife and children
maybe even my wife and children with my dog
there is the chance that this person may hold their resentment towards me an my flipping them off

it was foolish for me to flip this person off
it is foolish for me to flip anyone off
but... I am male.... I am rash... I am stupid
I never learn

time to let this episode go...
time to get on with my day...
time to get on with my life...