12.07.2004

Protocol
all theory as I am married and glad to be out of The Game

Over lunch today I was having a conversation with some coworkers about the protocol about buying a woman dinner and what is expected after such a gesture. There are those that are of the school that say that if a man buys a woman dinner than the woman should reciprocate physically. This may have been true in the dark ages when a man provided a woman dinner and than dragged her back to his cave by her hair, but things have evolved a tad since then. (in college I had lengthy discussions with one of my philosophy instructors who believed firmly in this dinner for sex transaction, I was always curious what lunch at the sidewalk hotdog stand would earn someone) Yet, I have always felt that there are some conventions that are not so broadly understood....most important what is owed to a person when that person buys someone else a drink.

I have always felt that when a person buys another person a drink it is not entirely dissimilar to a business lunch. No matter the intentions of the purchaser or the sex of the recipient converse to the buyer the rules should be the same. The drink has been purchased in an effort to purchase the recipient's time, just as a business lunch. If the person has no intention of sharing conversation with the person who is offering the drink, then they should politely refuse the drink and excuse themselves. It is in no way appropriate for them to accept the drink and head back to their corner of the bar with their friends. Or if they accept the drink and the conversation is either not interesting to them or is bothersome to them then they should thank the buyer for the drink, excuse themselves, and depart without the drink in hand. Leaving the empty glass or the unfinished portion of the drink, as we do remember the drink was purchased in an effort to buy the time of the person while they drank their drink. Slamming the remains may or may not be appropriate. If that person wants to call things "even steven," well....they could return the favor and buy that person a drink calling it even and making it clear (in the most polite manner possible) that their is no need for them to communicate any further.

I for one was never into buying anyone a drink other than myself. Sure we would exchange who purchased the pitcher of beer, but it was all Dutch Treat. There were some random occasions where I had the waitress/bartender send someone a glass of water, this never got me laid, but always made for an interesting introduction and a pleasant exchange. Perhaps since it cost me nothing....I got nothing. Who knows? I was never so smooth in the bars and never so suave with the ladies.

and yes
even if you get a glass of water for yourself
or send one to a stranger across the bar
it is important, even though it cost you nothing, that you tip your waitron staff person

on that note
here is a classic site where a few ladies discuss similar topics in detail
The Bar Bitches

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