2.22.2005

afternoon snack for a Clydesdale

hunger and boredom frequently dance together
some times one confuses itself for the other

while exiting the neighboring offices I as usual opted for the stairs rather than the elevator
after all... life is cumulative... every little bit adds up
before I opened the doors to the stairs I slapped my chubby belly and pinched more than an inch
contemplate what it would take to shed that less than glorious spare tire

then moved slowly down the stairs letting gravity do the six flights of effort
upon exiting the building I turned right instead of left towards the main offices
at the corner I was greeted by JJ a local panhandler
honestly... I do not get much pleasure from our encounters
actually... I would prefer not to be bothered by him
the error was mine.... when he had his dog KING on the streets with him I could not resist to give him food for his dog, actual IAMS dog food... King rejected the food... King was accustom to the scraps of the scraps that JJ tossed his way

then this winter as I tried to do some spring cleaning I ended up with a garbage bag full of clothing
random stuff, cycling tights with tears on the seem, sweaters, sweatshirts, t-shirts that I never expect to wear, and a few jackets
clothing that I went ahead and shared with this same man, JJ, who is now without his dog
animal control took his dog, by now that dog has more than likely been put down, poor king... poor poor king... at least all dogs go to heaven

well... now as I walk down the block he feels compelled to approach and give me that urban hello... you know the wonder twins power thing... that thing where two people gently and cooly touch fists
normally I try not to do such things as it is not my style, but it is easier to meet him on his ground and then move away
he may think that he is helping whitey feel a little cooler.... a little more in touch with "the brotherman," but he is not... he is making me feel awkward

we say a few hellos
then I try to move away before he tries to hit me up for some change

after our encounter I moved towards Jack's carryout for a grilled cheese sandwich with lettuce tomato, and bacon.....YUMMY!
not sure why... but that is what the belly was calling for.... and I always listen to the belly

Jack's was closed! BUMMER!
so I fell back on Old Standby.... Mohammud's corner hot dog stand
standing in front of Jack's locked doors and dark interior left me victim to the scent of hot dogs standing in day old boiling water, topped with everything.... that is everything!; onions, hot peppers, cheese, mustard, ketchup, and chilli.... there may have been more than that
who knows what is on this dog... it all melds into one goopy mess of flavor

needless to say I ate and enjoyed two hot dogs, a bag of Sour Cream, and an icy cold can of Coca Cola
the food was not all the way down my throat and in my belly while the juices of various condiments were still on my hands and I felt immediate regret.... guilt
a sickening guilty feeling....
or maybe that was just indigestion

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