6.29.2005

another rant just like any other rant
JRA: Just Riding Along

this is a story like so many of my other stories...
I was just riding my bike home from work
me just doing my thing
there was a BMW
there was an incident
then of course there was a near altercation.... okay... a verbal altercation
not a physical altercation
but no altercation can be good
no matter how it ends*
*I have been lucky so far that no one has shot me or run me over

the problem with these altercations is that I am a beast in a civilized world
not a bad ass
but a beast
then on top of my beastliness... there is my anger
well,
not so much my anger
but, the volume of my anger
it is not my anger that is inappropriate
it is the volume of my anger that is inappropriate
tonight I had my volume turned to ELEVEN!

there I was.... on my bicycle.... right in front of my house
that same intersection
only a different person on a different day
I was working the hill
going through some urban hill repeats
not something I read in some book
something I do because it makes it more fun to mountainbike when the hills don't hurt so much
the only way to get good at hills is to do hills
I am not good at hills
but everyone would like to be better at climbing hills
so that they could go down more hills
like most mountainbikers I like going down hills

so I am in a groove
headed up the hill for what was to be my last ascent
it was rapidly approaching time for me to put down the bike and pick up the kids
there was a cyclist climbing up along side of parked cars
so I took the center of the lane just to the right of him
then as the road began to split I continued to fade left as I was wanting to make a left hand turn
seeing that the light was soon to change I slowed for the red
part of me slowed for the red to appear righteous in matters of the law
part of me slowed for the red to be annoying
sure enough there was some screaming and hollaring and a cherry red bmw inches from my rear tire
then the other cyclist reaches the top
I ask if that guy had said something to me
he was not sure
behind the bmw was a police car....
so I waited on the light
the police got a green
my right turn arrow was red
figured I would rather keep riding than to be a nat swarming about an ass
so I went through the red light when things were clear
two blocks further up the hill I am moving at a moderate clip
the spidey senses are tingling
sure enough
it is the gentle hum of that fine Bavarian machine
purring quietly
so quietly it almost goes unnoticed

I signal that I am going to take a left at the light
again there is a red light ahead
then I get more words
it is of course the same guy
not sure what he is saying
so I turn my bike around and coast up in front of his car
apparently he is
finishing the arguement that I had not heard him start

there were words
there was anger
words and anger at this point from both sides
there was talk about the law and my behavior
I said I knew the law
he said he knew the law
it went back and forth on that
he said he rides a bike
I said not enough.... cause he is a fat ass
more about the law
there was spouting off from me about taking a left from the left lane
my right
then me staying as far right as I felt safe....
which with his fat ass behind me was the middle of the road
then again with the left turn
to turn left I can not be all the way to the right

I said some mean things about his weight
he said something about my weight
I said some mean things about his sexual orientation
I said some mean things that his tag implied that he gave good blow jobs
well
he had no child seat in the car
these things may have been a compliment

then I let him go
then for some reason I got pulled into following
old habits....
old habits that never got me anywhere
never got me in a fight
but always had me backing away from a fight

he gets out of the car...
he is flexing like he is a chicken hawk and I am a chicken
I am still straddling the bike
never does his puffed chest really say fight to me
guess a few knuckles to the jaw would have proved my guess wrong
he goes to his car
this is all happening very fast

he is going through his car
I am looking over his shoulder still straddling the bicycle
waiting to see what sort of weapon he is going to get out of his BMW wagon

nothing
there are more words
no hug
no resolve
he speeds away
I tell him not only can he not ride a bike but he can not play soccer for shit either
he gives me the finger
more then likely never hearing a word I said
but knowing that it was not nice

both of our hearts rates were raised
there was no fight
there was no physical exchange
just ruffled feathers and elevated heart rates

there was no fight
not because I am a husband and father who knows actions have consequences
not because of the law or what the law would do to me
not because I still have no use of my left hand due to a broken index finger
not because I was afraind of getting my ass kicked
because this incident did not merit a fight
because there was never a moment where I actually wished harm on this person who is still a stranger
because fighting does not prove anything but who is a better fighter
because of more reasons I can name

honestly I have considered PROZAC
I am also considering accupuncture
sure more cycling helps.... well there is that source and cure of anger relationship
then there is the yoga I have not done since the break of this finger
all these things do help to curb my anger
but
I think I need a more serious approach to controling my anger

these outburst are serious
and
as lucky as that man in the BMW was that he got out of his car and rushed someone like me
I was even more lucky that I mouthed off at someone while I stood at his mercy in front of his 6 cylinder sports car

he like me did not wish ill upon the other
he like me let his emotions get out of control
he like me may have some anger issues
he like me is dealing with some of the issues of being a modern man

I feel a little better now after BLOGGING
I hope that he has a resource to work things out....

what really pissed me off....
this guy sounded just like Marvin
I feel better now..... but I fear that if I do a proof read of this I may get angered again
so I will publish and post and pour a glass of wine

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