still living... just hurting

still living
just hurting

this is a face shot of roscoe
roscoe died
brutus remains
the photo does not capture his ability to connect with your eyes or your heart

last year I broke/dislocated my index finger and had to get surgery
then on top of that I dislocated my shoulder months later
there was lots of time off the bike
there was a lot of pain and sadness

the combination of those instances and those events do not fall into the same category as losing my buddy Roscoe
that answer to "if given a choice..."
no need to finish... I would take the dog

this has been one of the worst weeks of my life
my soul is howling at the moon
I feel all sorts of empty inside

this has not stopped me from living
reading and riding and wanting to race
the economist gives poor reviews to a book by a messenger that I enjoyed
matt types up the text from a piece in the economist about the demise of the messenger industry
there was a cpsc shimano quick release recall
I hate bill o reilly.... but he makes sense in the witch hunt against armstrong
(honestly... I am not sure on lance myself.... but disagreeing with bill o reilly is something I normally do)
dirt rag arrived today... great cover art
of course the tour

was going to race wakefield on wednesday... it got postponed and then canceled
been spending some serious quaility time with the family
trying to stay occupied
trying to figure it out
trying to grieve

I love my dog
the thought that eye contact will no long start a loud thump caused by a boney tail makes me sad
I miss that dog
I am missing a part of me

I need another glass of wine
as I am living
I am living in pain

(thanks for all the comments.... it really helps)

1 comment:

Alberto said...

I didn't know about Roscoe. I'm very sorry.