my neighbor Paul is DEAD.

Paul is DEAD

no... he was not the walrus
he was my next door neighbor
sad... saw this coming yet I did not see this coming
his health was waning... but his health had been waning since the day I met him what could be nearly a decade ago

wish I had been a better friend in his last few weeks
we spoke on the phone a few times this week
he must have known he was dying... he must have been lonely
we never speak on the phone... in the years we knew each other he may have called a dozen times... this week he called me three times... he invited me over... but our schedules were such that I was unable to do more than stop in and say hello

wish I had made a visit more of a priority
wish I had sat down on the couch and shot the shit
wish I had been a better friend
but the priorities of my life were my life
I should have heard his call for help... I should have understood his loneliness

he must have known he was dying
his health had had some dramatic moments in the past months, but he seemed to be recovering
but those calls... those calls are a symbol of his being in need

the color in his face
his mobility
sure he had lost a good deal of weight
but it is healthier to be thin than to be heavy
I did not think he would die

yes... Paul is Dead
I saw it coming... but I did not see it coming
I thought Paul was on death's door months ago
but I thought his rebound had bought him more time
not just months... but foolishly thought he would have years

alas no...
he did not have years

Paul scripted his own misery
Paul's health issues were caused by a life of poor choices
although I was not there for the party
I know Paul was

Paul's misspent youth was long and filled with addiction
in his later years he whittled down his addictions to alcohol
but that habit was not a healthy one
his life was pretty much revolved around his addiction
there are side effects to our choices

Paul is dead at 65... thought he was older... I plan to live a longer life

the house Paul owned was a group house
years ago there was a similar situation
there was a man who lived in his house who was dying
he too died when I thought he wouldn't even though I knew he would

Rest In Peace Paul
you were a good guy... even if you could be an asshole
you had a a good heart... even if it was your failing heart that lead to your demise
sorry that you did not live longer
I hope that your day to day was the life you wanted to live

Adams Express


Spade being the most interesting collection of links

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