a rule I always seem to forget... "Don't Ask the Kids What they Want to do... Tell the kids what everyone is doing!"

the boys are getting older

Dean is 13 and Grant is now 11

these shots are from various moments in the past

a few random representations of their active lives

active children come from active families

it is rare for a child to be self motivated

or at least in my experience

Adventures with the Kids tend to happen at "gun point"
taken against their will

removed from what they want to do

forced to do what the parents want them to do

as a soccer coach I often hear parents and their mention of their child's will or desire

what does little billy know about what is best for him

we do not let our children decide to eat ice cream instead of vegetables

why would we let them play video games instead of something productive

my kids did Karate for a number of years

there would be periods where they wanted to quit

often the objection to Karate came when it was time to get dressed for Karate

I tried not to entertain the conversation of quitting Karate before Karate class

I would ask them if they want to quit Karate after Karate practice

they always wanted to quit Karate before Karate Class

never once did either of my boys suggest quitting Karate after Karate Class

my kids have since then quit karate

in hindsight... kids Karate is a bit of a joke

it is expensive and may not really ad up to anything

having a kid do Karate from 6 to 10 years of age is far less valuable than a kid doing Karate from 10 to 15 years of age

oh well... my kids are onto other things

Karate is just one example

soccer had its battles

bike riding and bike racing has always involved battles

I can not think of anything active that the kids initiated

not even croquet or KanJam!

my kids have NEVER said... "hey dad... lets go for a bike ride!"
my kids have never said... "hey dad... lets grab the sleds and hit the local hill before anyone else!"

and most certainly... my kids have never said, "lets leash the dog and go for a hike!"

no... my kids have never suggested an adventure

all these things have happened against their will

the tendency is for there to be some fighting

then once the activity starts there can be some attitude

but then once things get going

they are STOKED

they do not know what is best for them

it is up to the parents to help the kids do what is best for them

aid them in developing interests

music... sports... and school

all of these things need parental guidance

structured activities are the easy answer

pre-registered

set on the calendar

rather than a loose plan with an escape option

video games are the devil

screen as a whole is the devil

moderation?

tough to moderate

the kids are not capable of structuring their time

it is a rainy day here in Washington DC
I made the mistake of "asking" my younger son Grant if he wanted to go ice skating

failure on my part

it should have been a directive

"Grant... get dressed... we are going ice skating! Do you want to invite a friend?"

but no... I thought I would be that "cool dad" and offer up the option

the option was shot down

shot down and Grant's focus went straight back to the screen
darn screen

yes... I am a screen addict as well

I often "dual screen" it
maybe even "tri-screen"

computer... television... and iPhone

what to do with this rainy day?

not sure

but anything would be better than nothing

we need to do something

there is much that I need to do

NEED!

yes... need!

gotta get focuses... gotta knock out some tasks

one of the things I need to do is "get my son Grant off the screen!"

yes... note to self

DON'T ASK!
TELL!

the passive approach is never as good as the active approach

there is an error on the parent's part... the parent gets this wonderful idea in their head

a trip to the zoo... a museum adventure...

it sounds spectacular... how could the kids say no?

the kids always say no

so... why ask?

just tell

and... well... there is no "telling" how things will unfold

I took Grant to Atomic Music in College Park

he was in a mood... which shortened our visit and made my experience that much less enjoyable

but... got rid of that drum set that was in the garage

a drum set that I got from a friend for the boys that never had enough interest to merit a full set up

time to trim the fat

time to thin the herd

got credit for a future purchase at Atomic Music

got to see my old friend Luis

then made things a little better by dropping into Petco to check out some lizards and then to the drug store to get some PEEPS

parenting is not always fun or easy

both the boys are each on their screens

I am going to let it go

I am going to go walk the dog