ah...
like sand through the hour glass
these are the days of our lives
divorce happened a few years ago
during that 5-6 year period since marriage
my relationship with me ex devolved
as in many divorces there was the effort to block the man out
the effort to get full control of the children
the desire for the man to just disappear
I get it... I would have like to parent with just one voice
separated... I was able to parent with one voice
and then... having to bargain and make deals with your "X"
well... when married that was difficult enough
in divorce... good luck
then... life incidents happened
we have our normal day to day
then there are life moments
my ex wife's father died
this life event caused her to snap
abuse directed to me a new level
I would wake each morning to abusive text messages
text messages on a chain that included our two young teenage boys
phone conversation?
one... maybe two civil sentence
then it degraded to an old an tired tirade
unfounded accusations
things had already been pretty unpleasant for me
in our separation agreement we agreed to allow my ex wife to continue to gather at events with my family
never did I ask my family to stop liking\loving her
but...
her actions were in contempt
the agreement was "if and only if" the two people could be civil
she was not civil to me
nips here... nips there...
metaphorical kicks under the table
not fun
who wants that
I asked her not to behave that way...
rather than deny her actions
she boasted about her agenda
so... I turned to my family to not force me to have to attend parties\gatherings with her in attendance
my pleas fell on deaf ears
when I approached her and tried to talk
she admitted her intention to block me out of our children's lives
then she spoke about "renewing her father's vendetta against me"
my former father in law had a vendetta against me?
yes... we had a rough start as a young couple
we were so much in love
yet
I was not good enough for daddy's little girl
well...
daddy felt the same way about his son and his son's wife
maybe no one was good enough for his children
maybe he had no vendetta against me
it is sad to think that my father in law felt one way inside and acted another way towards me
well...
that moment has passed
I felt I was gracious, thankful, and respectful to my father inlaw
sure... he may have had his frustrations
vendetta?
maybe not
so...
when married we would take a number of family trips a year...
usually to see the inlaws
my family was local to DC
her family lived in Pittsburgh
there became a tradition of Pittsburgh at Thanksgiving... kid winter spring break at Marco Island... summer adventure to New Mexico
good times
good memories
but not without its glitches...
divorce does not happen over night
the relationship declines over time
dissolving in your hands
even if you want to fix it
you may not know how
one year on a trip to Santa Fe we went skeet shooting
Lisa and I were okay... but for some reason when we were around her parents she took on a new character... often cold and distant... standoffish... like she is showing off to her parents or something... I never really got it...
well... we were in Santa Fe
we were doing many of the things we had done in Santa Fe on previous visits
horseback rides through the hills
hikes here and there
food.. food.. and more food...
then of course swimming...
swimming in the pool, the lakes, the rivers, and the creeks
on these trips there were some opportunities that we do not normally get exposed to
skeet shooting was one of these activities
on this one trip when we went skeet shooting I marched up the hill with the boys
as we walked the trail we all had a feeling of excitement of the moment in front of us
but I had my hesitation
my wife was being irrational
her attacks were unprovoked
was going skeet shooting with my potentially volatile wife a good idea?
so...
I told the boys
"hey kids... just so you know... if your mother shoots me... it is not an accident"
or something to that effect
she did not shoot me
she knew she had more powerful weapons than a shotgun
