ironically
the other day my brother and I were hanging out
well...
actually
we had dinner and then my brother yelled and me and braided me
the tone was not pleasant
it was not a conversation
where is the irony...
the next day I spoke to a friend of mine in the same fashion
and for that... I am sorry
as far as my brother goes
I tried to pause things... I tried to tell him that his tone is not appreciated...
he looked like he had just eaten a lemon
then being all butt hurt he then yelled at me some more
exclaiming "I am not telling you what to do"
it was not a conversation...
he spoke... I listened
when I said things... they were not heard
he was not hear to talk
he was here to lecture
it was not fun
no one likes to be talked to that
I need to be sure not to talk to people like that
it is a classic family trait
many of us with the Gwadz name behave in this fashion
lots of ego
rarely realizing that the Ear to Mouth ratio is also the preferred ratio of listening to talking
we should listen twice as much as we listen
my brother lectured me about my children
but... had he listened to one of my five sentences of the nigh
he would have heard what I was trying to say
I tried to talk about all the cooks in the kitchen... he agreed
yet he chastised me
as he chastised me... he also barked at me... he berated me
it was not pleasant
I was appreciative of my brother's visit... I was appreciative of the dinner he brought...
but...
I was not appreciative of his tone or his perspective
in the divorce my brother stood by his wife's side
his wife being my ex wife's side
hard place for a bitch to be
I stood alone
I went through my divorce alone
my brother was not there
no one was there
in the initial stages people though Lisa was a saint... everyone pulling her closer... everyone driving me further away
the shared holidays were more than I could contend with
each year I begged my family to change the routine
they did what they did with no consideration of me
FCK THEM
Christmas continued at my father's house with m ex in attendance...
SORRY - DRIFTING INTO AUTO PILOT
Me and my rants about divorce... me and my rants about my ex...
enough on that... everyone has heard it... no one cared to listen...
I am sorry...
back to the story of the other night...
so...
after being lectured and yelled at
not being told what to do
yet still being yelled at
I asked my brother if we could alter the conversation
as said... I tried to tell him that his tone was not appreciated
I did not even get into his perspective... just his tone
he did not like that
as said... he got all sour
like a small child who could not get his way
he does this to me all the time
yet I persisted...
I tried to draw him out and get him off topic
much like my dad... much like myself... it was not hard to get my brother off that topic and onto his favorite topic... himself
we talked about his gravel races
we talked a little bit about the Tour de France
we talked about life after marriage
we talked about dating and dating sites
I laughed at my brother's situation with his wife
and then I laughed at myself for my divorce situation
each situation is tear worthy
both realities are less than perfect
we moved from the dinning room to the living room
after some time
my brother drifted back to the topic of my children
again... there were things I said that he did not hear
again... the tone... the intensity... and the perspective... it was not appreciated...
there was a moment my brother said he had to leave
I know that his departure was due to the sourness of our conversation
he failed to respect my request to get off topic
I had asked if some of these discussion move to email
yet he persisted
as he got all emotional and dramatic about my children's state of affairs
I tried to tone things down
just as he thought my younger son was gonna join MS13 as a 12 year old because he got into trouble in school
he was painting my older son as some sort of rogue car thief with his speeding and parking tickets
my contributions to the conversation were shot down
nothing I had to say was of value to his perception
not any of the FIVE SENTENCES that I was able to squeeze in as I sat and listened to this diatribe
when my brother said he had to leave...
I got up and opened the front door... then stepped out onto the porch and opened the storm door
as if clearing the path
but... I did not want my brother to leave sour... he departs from our meetings sour... to often leaving sour... frustrated with me... but not ever seeing his contribution to the equation
so...
although I opened the door to facilitate the departure
I did not want him to leave angry
so I tried to engage him
but the berating continued...
he did not see it this way... but no other way to hear it...
there was a discussion about certain things... and when I tried to have him be less dramatic... as the big issue is that the boys have lost their mother, not what happens to the boys and their inheritance
so many of these things will sort themselves out
not everything needs to be decided today
the cars... the house... etc...
sure... there needs to be a decision
but... I am blocked out
it is not up to me
so...
when I am being accused of various things
I just wish that those five sentences had been heard
one of those sentences was simply about the cooks in the kitchen...
if those people were not there doing those things... I WOULD GLADLY BE THERE... but I am not... because they are there....
do not hold the door open for someone with the desire to be thanked
but to think that standing in my way is a favor... well... nope
again
lots of words
maybe no clarity
but if the people in this situation could reflect on the various ideas of Empathy and Understanding
they may do things differently
if these people were to just transpose the situation
maybe they would have more understanding
but no...
they lacked empathy and understanding up until now
why would these people have an epiphany now
Here is the breakdown
think of the things that you do...
now...
rather than pulling a muscle trying to pat yourself on your own back
transpose that situation
I will give you two things to think about...
think Lake George...
without a measure of me
without consulting me
you for many years took my children on vacation
one summer for two weeks.... when I fought with my ex for my legal time with my own sons
but your SELFISHNESS that you misconstrue as GOODNESS was consistent
consistent with your every day
at that two week Lake George moment... there were many ways to play it
my brother and his wife refused to modify their vacation to allow my time with their boys
then this summer...
my younger son went off to Lake George after his return from the Henley rowing race in England
no consultation with me as to whether or not I want to see my son on his return
they just whisked him and his brother away
with no consideration of me
FCK THEM
Selfish CNTS
and he wants me to thank him
for what?
for being in my way... for blocking me out of my son's life... for not factoring me into the equation
imagine transposing that
ASS HOLES
so selfish
so inconsiderate
but then to get grumpy because I do not thank him
after that attack had to say"didn't you say you were leaving 15 minutes ago"
he left sour
what could I do
he was all sad and hurt
this overly sensitive yet completely insensitive person
he can repeatedly hurt me
but if he gets brushed the wrong way
he gets all emotional
last summer I was out to dinner with him and a mutual friend
I was knee deep in planning an Alleycat
my friend asked me to describe\define Alleycat
my brother stepped in and answered the question
my brother has never participated in a Alleycat
yet he answer the question
when he was done he apologized... but the question was answered
so when I said to my brother, "keep going... you are almost finished... you have talked over me for 54 years... why would you stop now"again sour
action and reaction
action and over reaction
somehow
my brother is able to feel the emotions of hurt
but can not see how his actions hurt
my brother is much like my father
they are both high achieving
but feel that they both lack empathy
that is not how they are wired
they have logic
they have reason
they know the appropriate response or action at times
but the are not wired for empathy
yet they are both sensitive to pain
while being unaware of the pain they cause