A Celebration of Life... (these entries are more for the writing than the reading... not doing much to proof read or edit... just throwing shit out there)
I am a pariah
No, I am not from Southern India
I am a pariah when it comes to my own family
Definition of pariah
life can be sloppy...
divorce is a life event that make life more sloppy...
my life got very sloppy due to the divorce
splitting household items was no issue
splitting martial assets was only slightly more of an issue
money was hers
old photos were mine
but when it came to our kids and my family
that is where it got sloppy
I got my dog
Lisa got my family
awkward.
post divorce life
in short
my ex wife was a guest at my father's house
while I was not
that is more than awkward
that hurts
the ripple effect of not being a guest in that house has nothing to do with the owners of that house
but more to do with the gatherings
the gatherings I missed
watching my son grow up with their cousins
I saw a fraction of what was happening
I would think that I would be more thin with all the Birthday Cakes I missed
but alas no
I was able to maintain my caloric intake at home with my dog
while my boys gathered with family
there was rarely a day where I did not know the where abouts of my children
knowing who they were with and what they were doing
knowing I was not invited
that I was not a part of that family
not a part of my family
what did I do to deserve this?
well...
it is awkward
the simple explanation
there is no simple explanation
this is too much to try and sort out here in this moment
back to the topic at hand
the Celebration of Life for Lisa Joy Woods
here is the EVITE
I am not on the EVITE
I was not invited
the event was planned without consulting me
but of course...
I was aware of the planning all along
which of course
was awkward for me
and sometimes when I say awkward
I mean painful
I just unfriended Reagan Lake on Facebook
bringing me down to 3.3K Facebook Friends
it was petty for me to do such
but...
sometimes you need to trim the fat
even if it is anorexicly thin
NOT INVITED TO MY EXWIFE'S CELEBRATION OF LIFE?
NOT INVITING THE FATHER OF THE CHILDREN TO THE CELEBRATION OF LIFE?
okay...
I guess
but my math is different
4 Years of Dating
+
16 Years of Marriage
20 Years of Life
you do the math...
more than 1/3 of this person's life
somewhat significant
that would be my thought
but...
alas no
Factored Out of the Equation by my Family for the past many years
the maltreatment continues
it is good to know where a person stands moving forward
once again being ostracized from my own family
knowing that this event was being planned
and wondering
how could the organizers feel that the father should not be by their children's side
oh...
these organizers
the same organizers that
oh... the list of injustices is too long to list
I thought about leaving town the weekend of this event
I was aware of the planning as far back as my younger son Grant's high school graduation in the spring
when hearing of the planning of this event
I tried to be okay with it
I have tried to be okay with not being a part of my biological family for years
but... it hurts
so... I thought I would host a gathering at my house the day after
figured it could be family
we could look at photo albums and exchange story
sent out an email to family
in the words of Lisa Joy Woods, "NO BID"
no one other than my children were interested or available
oh well...
I tried
although I was not on the EVITE
eventually...
my mother and I were invited
oh... those spiteful and cruel people
those twisted animals
so...
not inviting me... not that I get that... but I sort of get it
but my mom?
shit...
if I talked to the hosts mom the way she talked to my mom?
whatever
disgusting.
I have been disgusted by the actions of these players for years
none of this is new to me
I am scripted as the villain
while they script themselves as saints
no empathy
no understanding
no ability to apply the Golden Rule
just selfish actions
FUCK THEM!
those who have wronged me in these post divorce episodes will never be forgiven
the hurt
the pain
and the removal from my children's lives
I will never recover for this
I will never forgive for this
so...
I guess we are at a stalemate
it might be awkward going forward
two pawns on the chess board
just stuck
sitting face to face
unable to move
oh well...
I have no say in the matter
they have chosen how to deal with me
I have just adapted around that
yes...
I hurt.
actively hurting.
my ex wife has died
that is sad
not so much for me
but for her and those who loved her
especially my sons
the woman I loved... she died a decade ago
cancer did not kill Lisa Joy Woods
selfishness and unkindness killed Lisa Joy Woods
she died in the process of divorce
just a shell of who she was
I guess she was still nice and wonderful to others
ah..
her actions during the separation...
her actions during the divorce...
her actions post divorce
no one should have celebrated or supported her efforts
those efforts destroyed her
her anger...
her anger was boiling
those around her supported her in her actions
when they should have offered assistance
recommended therapy
recommended medication
no one is happy who wakes at 5:20 in the morning to send abusive Text Messages to their ex husband on a group chat with their sons
no... that is no way to start your day
the number of times she walked up to me at a party and yelled at me in front of the guests
well.. I can count those times on one hand
because those actions effectively blocked me out
I did not attend events for my son's rowing
in part because I did not want that energy
but more so
I did not want to be in a situation where my simple presence of being in the room evoked that emotion and that behavior
so... I walked away
I missed out on years and years of my children's activities
because I did not want to be barked at
and I did not want to see my child's mother devolve into such an animal
watching regatta's from the other side of the river
away from the rowing parents
away from the team
trying to give her space
as Lisa was a "rowing mom"
