dead to me... that is dramatic... it is not quite like that...

 


I am basically estranged from my father...

years ago at the start of my divorce I sat at the table with my father
I tried to explain to him the I was divorce and that I did not want to gather with my ex wife each and every time I went to his house

in the Divorce Settlement Agreement I agreed to allow my ex wife to attend functions at my family's house
but I thought that meant Christmas and Such
not every Sunday BBQ

never did I tell my family not to be Lisa's friend

but I did try to explain to my father that I did not want to attend each and every event at his house with my ex wife there
he did not understand
he is dim
his narcissistic personality disorder can clog his logic and reason
he is divorce
I tried to explain that he is divorce and that his ex wife did not attend every birthday party for the children
then I realized... my father never threw a birthday party for his children

yet still...
I tried to apply logic 
I tried to apply reason
but 
"Father Knows Best"

so...
it happened
my ex wife kicked up under the table
my ex wife said insulting and mildly abusive things to and about me at the table in front of family and friends
in short...
it was too unpleasant for me to be in the same room as my ex wife and my father's second wife
my step mother Joyce
Joyce has a metal plaque with the C Word
she was a major bitch
no Joy having that woman in my life

so... I am estranged from my father and family because I walked away
I walked away from an toxic situation
my step mother was physically and emotionally abusive to me as a child
and well
that same style of dialogue continued into adulthood

to have to endure those two woman
well...
it was not worth the free meal

which leaves me to the present time

I do not love my father
I do not care about my father
I am not interested in my father
just as he does not love, care, or show interest in me

I walked away from those toxic women to protect myself
I cut my dad out of my life for self preservation 
sure... I tried to have a relationship
but... his lack of care or interest in my life
well... again it fell back on to
he is not worth my time...  he is nothing more than a free meal
not worth gathering with him for a free meal
I can buy my own food

my father failed me
my father failed me as a child
my father failed me as an adult
he was never much of a dad

cutting him off... I did not lose much
as he was never really there

and in adult life

I will never forgive him for what he did to me

I hate him


I Hate My Father.

yes... this means I have Daddy Issues
if I were a woman
I would be swinging naked on a pole in the strip club

I will see him at his funeral
the damage is done
he can never undo what he has done to me
except for a free meal... that guy has nothing to offer me

never my mentor
never my friends

fuck him
fuck his wife