my birthday is this month...

 


message from my father for my Birthday last year...

wow...

that is really something.

that really makes me feel special.

I am not even sure what that all means?

too short and too cryptic for me to decipher

"With More to Come"

what does that mean?

More birthdays?
more emails?
more birthday wishes?

well... 
there was no cake... there was no ice cream... there was no card in the mail...
no offer to get together
nothing

I accepted that
then later in the fall
when my father turned 81
that was it

my kids gathered with my ex wife
as they always do
with my father and family without me
that was it
I was too illiterate to read the writing on the wall

I am estranged from my father
I have been
we did not talk for years... he did not care
I opened the dialogue
then I invited him for dinner and met with him
then eventually I allowed him to be a guest in my house
but...
he NEVER reached out to me
sure... he accepted my invites
but he never reached out to me

then all along
he continued to gather with my ex wife, my children and my family
well... it hurts
I humbled myself and asked to be a guest in his house
he did not think that was possible
I asked to be a guest for non primary events
he did not think that was possible

I have a contentious relationship with my father's wife
my step mother
if you can call her that
it was his wife
she lived in the house
but other than being a total Mutha Fucker
there is nothing motherly about that woman

my estrangement is in part by my actions
in part my my ex wife action
and 
whole due to my father's inaction
 my father is\was Joyce's Bitch 

yes...
it is complicated
lots to unpack here
lots to unfold


this is my therapy
don't read this if it offends you