so...
as a byproduct of divorce
I am divorced from my father
I am estranged from my father
somehow... someway...
when I got divorced my father felt that it was vital for my ex wife to still be part of his gatherings
I agreed in the Separation Agreement that my ex wife could attend events
but I thought those events meant Christmas and Thanksgiving
but no...
it meant every gathering
backyard bbq, pool parties, etc.
it was too much...
the subtle nips
the abusive attacks under the radar
the metaphorical kicks under the table
tried to rationalize with my father about this scenario
my father who is divorce was not put into this post divorce situation
why would he think that I would want to be a part of this situation
when people are divorce... they often want to be separated
well...
we separated after divorce
I walked away from my father and my father's house
she stayed
it was a smooth play by my ex wife
a smooth smooth play
while it was healthy for me to walk away
I lost out
I missed out
never did my family try to balance the scales of me not being there
so...
the other day at the somewhat awkward for me Celebration of Life for Lisa Joy Woods I saw my father
I saw him... he was talking to people
I navigated the crowd such that I gave him space
it seemed the civil thing to do
as I have nothing to say to him
well... nothing positive
the day progressed...
I was able to avoid Bob Gwadz and others
people most certainly avoided me
we must remember...
Lisa was loved by many
and
Lisa ran a slander campaign against me
people at those lies up like candy
as it was easy to paint me as a monster
Lisa being so put together
Me with my beard and beastly presence
only a fool believes one side of the divorce story
any adult would know there are three stories in divorce
her story
his story
and
the truth
so... I navigated the outdoor bbq well enough
it was great to see so many people I had not seen in years
stories were shared
laughs and smiles
at one point I went to get another soda
I might have had too many sodas that day
while walking out from under the pavilion my father locked eyes with me as I panned the crowd
I saw him
he saw me
I did not lock in on his eyes
he face lit up
I continued to pan the crowd past him
why would he think that I have anything to say to him?
he knows how this unfolded
I have spoken to him telling him how I feel
yet he looked at me as if we would talk
we are not going to talk
there is nothing to be said
the damage is done
I am so hurt by this man and his actions
I will never forgive him
I do not love him
not sure if I hate him
there are moments where my blood boils and my body wells up with hate
but really... is that bitch worth it
sure... he is worth it
I do hate him
how could I not hate him.
I hate him and I will never forgive him
I never want to hear his voice again
there is nothing he can say to make up for what he has done to me
all of those events with my children and my family without me at his house
we can not go back
I missed those moments
I missed seeing my own sons growing with their cousins and family
and it hurt
it hurt then
it hurts now
FUCK BOB GWADZ
Bob Gwadz is a ball-less Bitch
he was a poor excuse for a father when I was a child
a lame excuse as a dad when I became an adult
sucks to have a bitch as a dad
especially when he remarried one of the biggest bitches of all time
emasculated
people say I should not air my dirty laundry
I say to them...
do not do what you do... and I will not speak of it
you have done what you have done... that can not be denied
you wronged me
for that
I will never love my father again
it has been a long time since I loved him
Daddy Issues Suck!
but you know what sucks worse
MY DAD!
