There is a choice... I can choose how to feel about people... I can choose how I respond to situations...

 .

I guess it is simple...

I hate my father.

no love in my heart for him or his wife.

it is not what I wanted.

but...

I was left in the cold like an abandoned unwanted dog dumped at the side of the road.

why would I yearn for that owner... that owner was abusive to me and never cared about me.

so... I tried to be ambivalent... but when I think of my father... my heart races and my blood boils... I hate my father.

it is not what I wanted... 

but that is how it is

I hate my father

admitting this is cathartic

I will do a little exercise to calm myself

I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father I hate my father 

I feel better now...

time to start my day