ah... dogs... if you know me... you know I love dogs... in fact... I like dogs more than I like people... but I do not like people that much, so...


Didg the Dog
my dog... my buddy... my pal
my pack

Didg... Dean... and Grant...
that is my pack
 


I LOVE MY PACK!
MY BROOD!
MY BOYS!
MY FAMILY!


Dean... Grant... Didg... and Dad!


ah...
Thanksgiving
I will say... I was really looking forward to seeing my boys home from college for Thanksgiving
then... on top of that
I am looking forward to trying to rebuild with my family in my post divorce life
not as easy as to do as it is to type

family is complicated
I have never had a healthy relationship with my family
my family... my family has never been a healthy family
broken from the beginning

broken adults will raise broken children
my brother and sister and myself grew up in a broken home
as adults
we carry that damage with us
we are all each damaged as individuals

that damage continues today
we were damaged children
now we are damaged adults

I invited my damaged siblings and my damaged mother to my house for Thanksgiving
wanted more than anything just to host a nice gathering for my two college age sons
who sadly enough are also damaged
damaged by unhealthy relationship of their married parents
damaged by the unhealthy post divorce relationship of their parents
damaged by the influence of all the damaged people around them
damaged... but not in a cool Black Flag sort of way
more in a subtle unseen sort of way


just as I am damaged
my relationships are damaged

my relationship with my sister has never been solid
she is several years older than me
we were never close
then as children when our parents divorced
she went with my mom and my brother and I went with my dad
that did not help her already damaged being
and
it did not help our already very separate family bond

yet we try...
in our damaged broken ways
we all try to be family


so... in a passive aggressive sort of way I put the responsibility of organizing the invite to my mother
she and I planned to co host Thanksgiving at my house
but after the years and years of my effort to battle and create a Thanksgiving gathering
this year... I did not have the care, concern, or the strength
who would come... who would not come...
I was only concerned with seeing my two boys

if people had other plans... 
well... I was not going to fight with that



well...
my mother handled the invites... it seemed to be coming together
my sister would head down from NYC with her brood in tow
and
my brother would come for dessert with his boys after they eat turkey on their side of town
which was fine
as I am not entirely copacetic with him right now
his gathering with my ex wife was a betrayal to me
by his gathering with her... it was a support of her abuse to me
he did to me what I would never do to him
it is hard to forgive that
he will always be my brother
it has been a long time since he as been my friend


as for my sister... we have never been close
she is damaged
maybe more damaged than the rest of us
not sure what happened to her
but she is like a wounded animal
not sure what her emotion is or why
she is ready to show her teeth and she will bite!

we have all inherited some of our father's ugliness
we all have parts of our parents
my sister... my brother... and myself
we all carry my father's flaws
narcissism... arrogance... etc...

the three of us all have some of that Bob Gwadz ugliness in ourselves
some of us expressing it more than others

 

I was anxious about the Thanksgiving gathering
I wanted it to be a nice gathering... I wanted it to be fun...
but really...
rather than striving for AWESOMENESS
when the day started... I realized I would need to strive for SURVIVAL!

as game time approached I was already behind the Eight Ball
I had wanted to hike with my sons on Thanksgiving Day
called them to wake them in the morning... not early... maybe not early enough
the boys stirred and headed my way
we went for a decent hike... it was a healthy way for me to gather with my two boys
the two people that I love more than anything else in this world
we did a classic Rock Creek Loop

to my displeasure
I rushed out the door without my camera
no Strava... no Instagram
DID THAT HIKE EVEN HAPPEN?

the hike was a decent loop...
but things were cut short in an effort to get back and start cooking the Thanksgiving Feast

it was anxious... it was stressful... 

then I got a text...
it was my sister
apparently, they brought their dogs down from New York
in their dog friendly hotel their dog was not being friendly
the dog barked at their departure
thinking that the barking would not stop
I got a text

in short... my sister wanted to bring her dogs

ironically... I had been chastised by my sister years prior when I brought my dog to my ex-wife's house for a Christmas Eve gathering
at the door my sister stopped my like an armed guard
this guard armed with a flute of Prosseco champagne 

her greeting was peppered with questions 
all laced with scorn and judgement
in this greeting I was asked why I thought I could bring my dog to the party without asking for permission
I responded simply, "I did not want to attend the party alone, I needed someone in my corner+
when it is forgotten... I once owned that house
and that dog
that dog was adopted and this house was his house
and lastly... this house is not her house
why is it her concern?

my dog Didg is a good dog
he is non confrontational
in short... a good guest
as far as four legged guests go
as their will be four legged behavior

not sure if I can recall the details...
but my sister has brought her dogs before
her dogs have NEVER been good four legged guests
more like a drunk uncle stumbling through the party
that is her dogs

her dogs barked at me and tried to bite me years past... 

I wanted my sister and her family to attend
so... I was at an impasse
given a question that only has one answer
no matter what I wanted... I had to accept the dog guests if I wanted the adult guests
so... short and to the point... I responded to that text
SURE


now... I am a fan of dogs and I am a fan of kids

a few weeks ago I was riding my bike back to the Capital BikeShare Warehouse
as I started up a shallow climb after a long day of traversing the city and fixing those red bikes it happened
as I pedaled up this shallow hill
a young kid... maybe a teenager rode up along side of me on a rental scooter
kid looked me square in the eye and said, "I am gonna WHACK you!"
????
whack me?
this kid zoomed around me
he was on one side of me... then the other
again telling me what he was gonna do to me
on the sidewalk other teens yelled to him to stop and to just leave me alone
it was an awkward situation

there is no talking to this kid
no winning him over
there is no logic or reason that will reverse this kids thinking
then... I am adult and he is child
so there is no opportunity for me to retaliate physically
what could I do?

I slammed on my brakes
turned around to the kid who was on my tail
and said
"I am not enjoying this interaction"

then... instead of snailing up this hill with this kid at my side... I turned it around
flowed down hilll towards Georgia Avenue
I knew there would be a cop at Dunkin Donuts 
as I rolled up another hill with the kid at my side
I turned to him and pointed forward asking...
"Is this your guy?"
as I pointed to the police cruiser ahead

the kid peeled off to the side... threw the rental scooter down and ran away

well...
this situation
this is pretty much my situation with this dog
WHAT CAN I DO WITH THIS IRRATIONAL DOG?

this little black dog of my sisters is attacking my dog in his own house
and then also
this same dog is barking at me in my own house

I had anticipated this
in fact... after I hit SURE in my text
I turned to my boys and told them, "Aunt Marya is bringing her dog Buster... he is gonna attack me in my own home"
it was the same scenario
just as that child lacked understanding of the situation... so did this dog
just as that child has not be raised\trained right... neither has this dog
just as I can not rationalize with that kid... I can not rationalize that dog
just as I can not retaliate physically with that child... I can not discipline that dog

now...
if I brought my dog to a party and my dog was "out of line" 
I would remove the dog from the situation
the dog bit several people
not breaking the skin
but really
UNACCEPTABLE

now... I wanted my sister to stay
more than that
I wanted her sons to get some quality with my sons
but... 
my dog could not stay in his own house for fear he would be attacked
and my dog
well... he has been trained not to fight... especially in his own house
so... Didg and I spend our time at the party away from the crowd
away from Buster the Dog


it was a bit of a chess match
I withheld my opinion
I could see in my sister's eyes that she knew there was issue
yet she maintained

there were were
at the table
playing chess
only... like so many games before me
I am playing Chess and she is playing Checkers

my sister Marya has again done things to others what she would not allow to be done to her

now the formula of my bringing my dog into her house and my dog biting her and other guests would NEVER happened
not just because I would not allow it
no
not because I raised my dog properly
but rather
because I am not a guest in my sisters house


on the departure as people said their good byes
Buster the Dog continued
I heard my sister say to her dog, "Buster, behave or you will not be invited back"
to which she quickly corrected
"Buster, behave or you will not be allowed back"
as she knows... Buster was never invited

now... I want my sister and her family there

but really
she needs to look into the mirror
my dog is a metaphor for me
non-confrontational with plenty of potential to engage in confrontation 
my dog is quicker.. fitter... and more agile than Buster the Dog
yet...  in an awkward manner... he behaved
as I trained him to behave

Buster is a metaphor for his owner... my sister
take that as you will...


funny...
the event was speckled with all sorts of humor
my sister spoke to my brother about their research and how their names appear in priority
at the peak of my blog
my name was favored by Google over my father, my brother, and my sister and all of their PhD work
but that is silly
it is data of a competition that is not really a competition 

glad the blog is blah

no... I should not post this here
but when you are stranded alone on a desert island
it does not matter what you shout to the world