Thanksgiving is behind me... lots of build up and then a great deal of clean up... glad to have it behind me...
Thanksgiving 2022 is Behind Us!
I SURVIVED!
Holidays post divorce have not been easy for me...
when a couple divorces... the split is not always clean or easy
and
the split can be more than what happens to the house... who gets the kids... and who gets the silverware..
there is the question of the family and the Holidays
and well
my ex wife wanted it all...
and
she expected it all
our separation and our divorce took a little longer than it should
as I had to battle in mediation with my lawyer to get the minimum that the law would grant a man in divorce
she wanted it all
she demanded it all
she tried to take it all
I had to fight for what was rightfully mine
really...
I already drifted into a rant about my divorce
dang... that sucks
I do this all the fucking time
oh well... I am stuck in a loop.... so I will continue
the story has been told...
told by her and unheard from me
well... I have told my story
but I was never able to reverse her story
she laid the groundwork of lies
that was the basis of my families understanding of the divorce
and then
the slander and the lies
yes... that is the mine field that I walk through when I deal with people from my pre divorce past
I will never be able to clear my name
people at her lies up like candy
so believable
I am estranged from my family
my ex wife got my father in the divorce
she got my father and all that goes with it
my father hosts many gatherings at his house
she was a guest after the divorce
I did not want to attend along side of her
as my wife was not that bad as a wife
she was a monster as an ex wife
the insults and abuse that I encountered when I attended holiday functions with her were so bad
I opted out
I asked to be invited... but without her
my Trump like father with his narcissistic tendencies said, "Have a Birthday child for the children and not have the mother there?"
my father is divorced... I tried to explain that my mother does not attend the events of her children at her house
he did not understand
he is an asshole... he is a loser... I am not missing much other than the free meals and use of the pool
I walked away
my actions fed into my estrangement from my family
no one called me back
no one ran after me
I DITCHED THEM!
the ONE MAN DITCH!
as with most people
I scripted my own misery
but really
it is not what I expected
I thought my family would side with me... not my manipulative ex wife
I was greatly wrong
to me it as like a modern day King Lear
my father banishing me
his once favorite child
his other children moved away... when I stayed close
I cut his lawn... I house sat for him... I cared for his dogs and his exotic pets when he traveled (and he traveled a great deal)
yet... I was cut loose without any care or concern
not missed from the table
gone and forgotten
for that... I will eternally hate my father
is he dead to me... not that dramatic
just do not need him in my life
he caused me too much pain by separating me from my children
so many milestones missed
not just Christmas and Thanksgiving
but all the parties in between
I had to allow my children to go to my father's house for celebrations on MY WEEKS during the divorce
absurd and hurtful
my blood boils
there is nothing by scorn and hate for my father
not a healthy emotion
but that is the one that I possess
venting publicly again
luckily...
no one reads the blog
blogs are blah...
so... with my father and my abusive step mother out of my life
I have to fight for holiday time with my own children
previously...
I battled with my ex wife
my now dead ex wife
now I have to balance things with my family
the dynamics are similar
my ex wife's best friend was my brother's wife
which well...
adds to the drama
no time for that here... not sure if I can even unwind that in my head
so... my mother and I co hosted as we have done before
in the past many years post divorce I have hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve at my house
battled with my family and my ex wife for a balance
for some fair time with my own children
always...
always trying to think of others as well as my self
in previous years...
I would arrange a Thanksgiving/Christmas schedule that worked for Lisa and myself
but... she wanted it all
she was not interested in sharing
so...
I battled to create something that was fair
she never liked the breakdown...
even though I granted her DAYS to MY HOURS
she had the boys for DAYS UPON DAYS
taking them off to Florida with no respect of the Divorce Settlement Agreement or my rights to my children
yet... I ran my thoughts through a few set of filter
IT IS NOT ABOUT ME
and
WHAT IS BEST FOR THE KIDS
a few filters that my ex wife lacked
in our marriage I tired to get her to ask herself those questions
but that was not her angle
that was not her motivation
in any case
now here it is...
the first set of Holidays since Lisa giving up her fight against cancer
trying to rebuild
trying to create a happy home for my children
trying to piece it all back together
I am estranged from my family
some of the breaks will never mend
no desire to ever have a relationship with my father or step mother
but the others
well... I would like to think I am trying
but it is difficult
everyone has their version of the story
everyone has their understanding of their actions
and their being right in their choices
I tried to tell my family
YOU HAVE DONE TO ME... THINGS THAT YOU WOULD NOT ALLOW OTHERS TO DO TO YOU
yet they continue
oh well... this is my life
this is my family
honestly...
my children are my focus
I went into the holiday weekend inviting everyone into my home
but not expecting much from various guests
they are who they are
they will be consistent in their actions
really just wanted my boys to have the opportunity to gather with their cousins
while I also get to be with my sons and interact with my nephews
this was a building year
just like the last six years have been building years
Happy Thanksgiving!
so happy to have my two sons home from college
Dean back from Syracuse
Grant back from BOSTON UNIVERSITY
ah...
it was an okay Thanksgiving
it could have been better
but then
it could have been worse
glad to have it behind me... now to start thinking about Christmas
