REPOST A POST FROM FACEBOOK NEARLY A YEAR AGO
REVISITING THESE EMOTIONS AS MAY START
May... Not only is may the one year anniversary of Lisa's Death, but also Mother's Day and also Lisa's birth month...
here is my post the day after the Celebration of Life of Lisa Joy Woods
an event\gathering that hurt me very much as I was excluded from the event
not even on the evite
"this was yesterday...
that is why I shared all of those images of my ex Wife and such over the last few days
Lisa gave up her battle with Cancer in the spring
that is sad for my children
my tears for this person were roughly a decade ago
not tears from cancer but tears from divorce
it is complicated
my wife and I got a divorce
that had a byproduct that divorced me from my family... and from some friends
she was possessive of our children and abusive towards me post marriage
our marriage was not bad... we grew apart...
our separation was not smooth
and
in divorce... my ex became a beast an unpleasant aggressive beast
there are people who shunned me for years
there actions will not be forgotten or forgiven
not out of spite but out of self preservation
just the simple notion that my ex wife attended events at my father's house without me... that alone should say something...
I have not been a guest in my father's house in roughly 5 years
it sucks to be estranged from your father
the estrangement caused greatly because of the actions of my ex wife
it was awkward
nice to see people
but awkward
as I do not know who decided to believe the Amber Heard style lies that came from Lisa's mouth
I was not on the Evite... being invited was an after thought
I knew of the event months in advance... waited for an invite that never came
no involvement
no consultation
nothing in relation to me whatsoever
in the end... it was nice to be invited... better late than never
but the delayed invite did help to set the tone and let me know where I stand with some people
I guess it is good to draw lines
the lines have been drawn
I will try to keep in the lines... but can you all try to keep in line as well
it was nice to attend
it was nice to see people
it was a decent representation of Lisa's life
as said
nice to see people
nice to reflect on the Lisa Joy Woods that we all knew and loved
Peace to Lisa Joy Woods
Peace to all that knew and loved her
Peace to my children... may the always remember their mother in the most loving positive ways... may they not suffer too much from the void in their hearts that one suffers from losing their mother so young...
yes... Lisa was special... there was a time when she loved me with all her heart
but there was a moment when she flipped that switch
she hated me with the same intensity that she once loved me
Lisa never did anything half ass
I was not deserving of her scorn
and well...
it was not heathy for her to live with such hate
those that enabled her... they were not her best advocates
a true friend would not have fueled her hate
but rather they would have worked to quelch her negative emotions and her abusive agenda
enough on this...
and
if you have issue with these words
please RE-READ
this is a gentle truth
the story could be told with greater detail and intensity
read it ALOUD to yourself... hear the words...
there is no scorn in these words
there is no slander"
so... here it is May
my boys are away at school
we are in contact
my relationship with my sons is strong
there is much love between us
not being a mind reader... it is hard to see where they are at with the loss of their mother
my feeling is that her sickness and her decline was gradual... bracing them for the inevitable... she was diagnosed as terminal... she was on borrowed time... she declined such that the woman who died was not the entirely the same as the person pre-cancer
Lisa and I were together for 20 years
4 years of dating
16 years of marriage
those years followed by a de-evolution
my ex wife voiced her wicked agenda to me
she sent text messages telling me her intent
beyond that... she told lies about me
hard for me to mourn her death
who mourns their oppressor?
the woman who died was unrecognizable to me
not because of the loss of weight and the sickness caused by cancer and cancer treatment
but because of her alter ego
there was moment when Lisa was first given the terminal diagnosis where there was an armistice
unbeknownst to me... Lisa had been going through what was thought to be some minor treatable cancer... but a year into treatment the review offered up a different diagnosis... the treatments were not having the desired effects... the cancer had spread... the cancer had really spread... the diagnosis was upgraded to terminal... Lisa was given several months to live if she did not pursue treatment... the course of her treatment was not shared with me... but... in that moment of being diagnosed as terminal Lisa reached out to me... we talked... for a moment (maybe a week... maybe two) the tone of Lisa's voice was different... I could hear the Lisa that I used to know... I approached slowly in those two weeks... in those few weeks in our time together I tried to listen... it was\is my feeling that I knew Lisa in ways that no one else knew her... I felt that introverted Lisa could use a friend... I offered to be her friend...
I can recall one moment in that two week period where 16 year old Grant came down the stairs of Lisa's Park Road home... the home that was once ours... I had stopped by to say hello... Lisa and I stood beside each other as Grant came down the stairs... Grant lit up... Grant has a good read on emotions and Grant has an ability to read a room... Grant liked the connection and last of tension that he saw... as Grant came down the stairs I saw a shimmer from one ear and then a shine from another... I grinned... turned to Lisa... and Lisa and I had a moment... I asked her how she felt about the new ear rings in both ears... we laughed and had a shared parental moment... those moments would not go on for much longer
I tried to read the room... asking myself... what is my role here?
other than parenting my children... my role was limited... the extent of my responsibility would be dictated by Lisa's wants or needs... even if I thought I could be her friend... if Lisa did not want me as a friend, I could not force that upon her... so... I offered myself... she accepted for that moment... but then she turned on me... rage and anger returned... I took a measure... it seemed I could serve Lisa best by giving her space... it was not about me... it was about her... what she wanted
a story that is not my story...
the morning of Lisa's death I was at the hospital what young high school senior Grant
I was there for Grant
I did not go into Lisa's hospital room
it was not about me... Lisa had made it clear who I was to her... it was not up to me to decide that I knew best... I respected Lisa enough not to be at her side in her final moments... she did not want that... I did not force it... it was not about me...
Lisa's death was hard for me... so many emotions... it was hard to mourn alone... it is hard to mourn alone... I can be by my children's side but their mother's relationship with me makes it hard for me to be the person to mourn her passing by their side... I am there for my sons... but the adversarial relationship with their mother makes it tough for me to be the person they need to share their loss with..